The biggest problem I have with any relationship is that there is always one person who wants to spend more time with the other than the other person wants. It’s disappointing, really. Especially since I’m usually the person wanting more time. All I want is to sit and watch Christmas movies with a cup of tea or hot chocolate. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. I guess maybe when you’re other half gets home at 9:30pm. I still don’t think a movie and dinner is a lot to ask, even at that time of night if you don’t have to go to work until noon the next morning.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my relationship and the baby hasn’t changed it. We still have our challenges though. *cough*hismother*cough*. I have created a strong boundary that I’ve only had to cross once where I don’t see her. I am struggling to uphold it since Baby Raymond’s birthday is coming up. As a baby born on Christmas, it is difficult to navigate the family timebombs. Everyone else is so worried about hurting her feelings even though she openly declared her hatred of me and continually insists that she will not change.

I know I haven’t posted on here in quite a while but update she moved out! It was a long process and it took 7 months from the time that we moved to CT for it to happen but thank the high heavens it finally did. Most of her stuff is still crowding the garage but we’ve just made a path and put on our horse blinders when we walk through.

I guess what I’m really trying to get at is that I have become so much stronger through all of this and I’ve created healthy boundaries for myself and, I hope, my son. My problem is that everyone continually wants to tear them down. For the entire 5 years that we’ve been together, I’ve been polite and compromised and I’m just not doing that anymore. I want to show my son that just because someone is family, it doesn’t mean that you have to accept their abuse in any form.

Needless to say, I might just skip the Christmas festivities this year. I told my husband that he is more than welcome to go over there and spend some time with him but I need to keep my boundaries for my own sanity. He can take Baby Raymond over but as soon as the negativity starts they have to come home. That’s always been the deal I’ve offered but he always stays home. He went once by himself and his mother basically said that if she gave him money that I would steal it.

So, we can see how much she’s changed, right?

I’ve gone a bit off track here. Mostly because this is the one place where I can express my feelings without having to talk to anyone or mince my words too much. I don’t want to come across as a horrible person but I do have feelings and I know what I can and cannot tolerate. I think learning who you are is one of the most important things you can do. It took me quite a while but I finally got there and I can’t even begin to tell you the difference it has made.

But back to the original topic – the time with others. I really just want to spend time doing fun things together that don’t cost money. We’re practically broke and that isn’t going to change anytime soon. In fact, once student loans start back up again, we’re screwed. Really, watching movies and playing games would make me happy. I know he’s miserable in our situation (we’ll talk about that in another post) but I don’t want to spend every day on different levels of the house doing completely different things while we each go through life crises separately. I want to feel the sense of togetherness we’d always had before we moved here.

Sure, he may not enjoy cheesy Christmas movies but he’s always welcome to suggest something else. It’s just with the snow on the ground and the holiday spirit, I thought it would be fun. I don’t have anyone else to do those things with anymore so it would be nice if I got to do them with him.

If you can’t tell, I really do miss my friends back in FL.

Anyway, enough complaining from me for the night. I’m exhausted and I want to finish My Dad’s Christmas Date on Netflix before I go to bed.

Hope you all are enjoying the holiday spirit and living your best lives! ❤

S.S.S.